What Scares her the Most
by Aki and Tenshi
Summary: No matter how much she tried to distance herself from her Black heritage it was there, just a maiden name away. And for some reason it scares her.' Tonks reflects on her heritage.


**Aki-** Her is a oneshot about Tonks and her persective on her Bloack heritage. I had it sitting on my computer for a while.

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**What scares her the most**

No one knew that Nymphadora Tonks was a Black. Not with her muggle-born father's name, her animorphamagus appearance, her choice of profession, nor her quirky and clumsy demeanor. It wasn't something she freely associated herself with because of the smudges of dark arts and you-know-who connected to the last remnants of the Black Lineage, especially after the revived infamousness of Sirius Black after his flight from Azkaban.

Yet no matter how much she tried to distance herself from her Black heritage it was there, just a maiden name away. For both Tonks and her mother… And for some unknowable reason, not the revealing of her secret heritage Tonks, but rather the mere fact that she was, undeniably, a Black, scared her.

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Tonks recalled her first visit to number 12 Grimmauld Place. It was an eerie and unwelcoming place. Despite this she was instantly enthralled her. It was old and dirty and decaying. It was full of ancient magic relics of unknown powers, family heirlooms with pureblood history, locked rooms full of mysteries no one was sure they wanted to discover. In short it was a museum for the side of Tonks' family she never knew.

She knew this place had to be unbearable for Sirius, who was haunted of the memories of growing up there. It was like a constant reminded of who he was. Who he was supposed to be. Who he had been. Who and what his family was. Tonks herself felt a strange connection to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. Maybe it was because she very well could have belonged there, visited that very house as she grew up and had relationships with those who had dwelled there. It scared Tonks because it was an undiscovered reality of what ifs and maybes…

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She looked like a Black. The few times Tonks had let herself fall back into her natural appearance, the one she was born with…it was easy to see. Sometimes it seemed she could stand for hours looking in a mirror at her appearance. Though he had inherited her father's mousy brown colored hair, everything else was Black. Her pale skin that most Black's had in common. High cheek bones like Narcissa Malfoy. Dark eyes that she shared with Bellatrix Lestrange. And a body that looked like in was especially thin and delicate, yet regale and commanding.

Even her mother had softer features. As did Sirius, who is his day had a combination of characteristics put together in a much more handsome, but gentler way. The two Blacks that she respected and wished she looked more like. But she didn't…and that was scary

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She had just discovered the drawing room. She had wandered upstairs to find the loo after one of the Order's meetings. She stood stock still staring at large tapestry that hung from one wall…a family tree. Fine evergreen fabric detailed with names and dates and lines of golden thread.

Sirius entered the room to discover her and stood, almost silently beside her.

"You're not on it," said Tonks. It was not a question, it was a fact.

"My dear old mother blasted me off long ago," replied Sirius with a hint of bitterness in his voice, concealed by a forced indifference, indicating to a burn mark where he should have been under his parents, next to his brother.

"So that's where Mum…" Tonks reached toward the tapestry as though to touch it, but hand stopped a few inches short of another burnt mark between the names of Tonks' two aunts, both women she had never meet.

Tonks lowered her hand back to her side. Death Eaters, dark artists, muggle-born haters, pureblood maniacs. They were her family, her blood.

Sirius glanced up at the title and muttered in a scoff-like way, "Turjour Pur." He exited, leaving Tonks alone in the room with her thoughts.

'_Turjour Pur.'_

_'Always Pure.'_

Tonks crossed her arms across her chest almost defensively and looked down at herself.

_'_Almost_ always pure…'_

And for some reason Tonks felt ashamed… and it scared her.

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Is was not too many months later that Tonks discovered one thing that scared her more than anything. It was only after the fight in the Department of Mysteries and the death of Sirius that she had discovered it. The fact that she could hate someone so fiercely and evilly that she could wish death on them and to be the one to do so. That she could fell the ability and the urge to perform an unforgivable curse out of the pure pleasure of seeing someone in pain. Bellatrix had taken Sirius, her friend, and her newly gained family. She hadn't much family, her mother being estranged, her father being an only child. And that_ woman_ had taken the little Tonks had had, had killed her own cousin and not even battered an eye.

Tonks honestly didn't know what she would do if she ever met Bellatrix again. The possibility haunted her. And that scared her the most.

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It was months after the Dark Lord was defeated and the second war was over that Tonks found herself again in drawing room of Grimmauld Place. She had learned much about herself in the last few months. Her being, her family, her heritage, her fears. But as she observed the family tree entitled 'The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black: "Turjour Pur," it suddenly appeared very…weak.

Tonks was not entirely sure how a tapestry could be weak, but it no longer held the sway over her as it used to, none of the house did. It wasn't that she had gotten used to it nor was it the loss of Sirius, though that had something to do with it. As Tonks looked at the golden embroidered names she knew that those people were not her family. Maybe they were blood relations, but when had they ever met her, taught her something, showed some sort of love that family shows to their members.

Sirius had died fighting for good, fighting his own family member. Although the more Tonks thought about it, the more Bellatrix seemed less and less part of Sirius's or her own family. Neither Tonks nor Sirius shared a space with the woman on the tree. It was then that Tonks felt a strange affinity, not to the name on the tree, but those people who were the burnt spots. Those like her mother, like Sirius and the many more she could not name. They had left, they had broken away, they were her family.

As she stared at the tapestry just a moment more she realized it didn't scare her quite much anymore.


End file.
